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The Ndui-Ndui Courier-Telegraph

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Thanks So Much For This Evening of Skull-Numbing Boredom

Hey! Thanks so much for everything. Ive really enjoyed this evening of skull-numbing boredom.

Next time. Weve got to do this again next time. Its going to be great! I cant wait till next time I come to your house to drink kava and storian and wonder why my brain is spinning in a vortex of extreme social discomfort, awkwardness, and ennui.

Itll be so fun to reluctantly accept your invitation, realizing that I've exhausted my supply of overused and transparent excuses like 'mi harem mi sik smol,' or 'no, bae mi speaka long church tumoro.' Then Ill come into your home or living area and hesitate for the unforgivable 1.3 seconds it will take for you to command that I sit down! Long ples ia! Oh, the place of honor, the good coconut scratcher, thank you so much. I enjoy having my different-ness edified so rapidly and pointedly.

Thanks for the kava. Not only do I enjoy slurping mug after mug of the hideous brew, but I prefer not to have any choice in the questions of how much I will drink or at what moments in the evening I will drink again. Thanks for telling me when I should drink and when I should sit down again while steadying my nerves after the immense mental and physiological effort it takes to chug the stuff. And also where to sit down. Sometimes I dont know what Im doing, Im overwhelmed with all the decisions: when to drink, whether to sit down or remain standing in the moments afterward, whether to use individual free agency based on the neuron synapse firings of my own brain I just panic and freeze for a half second or two. Thanks for the helpful guidance!

Thanks as well for the assistance in preparing for myself the mug of kava. Youd think after 18 months on this island I would have figured out how to dip a cup into a bucket of liquid, and that yes indeed it should be stirred with a stick first, but obviously I still need you to yell commands at me as I go through the sophomoric motions. Id probably hold the mug upside down if it werent for your helpful barking!

Oh, and I look forward to a repetition of our thought-provoking storian of this evening. Id love to answer more of your questions about whether or not Bin Laden has been captured and while I reply, have your attention shattered by a sudden momentous event such as a truck passing in the distance. Then maybe we could talk about cigarettes or 'stick-tabak', rain, Mormons, taro, or the strength of the suns radiation. If you want I could again bore you with details of how many brothers I have, whether or not they were born before me, or how long my contract is.

So thanks again. Next time I feel strangely un-nauseated, Ill know where to head! Itll be fun for all of us to have our skulls rotted out by boredom, awkward silences, and pained attempts at cross-cultural learning that no one finds interesting anymore! Maybe next week.


The Ndui-Ndui Courier Telegraph
solely exists as the shameless propaganda mouthpiece of the West Ambae Peace Corps Association (WAPCA) and all stated views, opinions, truths and untruths therein are inclusively representative of said assn.'s character, intent, and worldview. Editor-in-chief: Elder Joshua Bates, Saralokambu; Walaha-area correspondent: Olfala Luke Drake, Walaha; Technical Supervisor and Chief Pharmacist: Towian Matt Drury, Lovanlikoutu; Encouragement Toktok-er and Kava Bucket Stirrer: Pastor James 'Kirk' Goodman; Still On Standby In Pekoa(Santo)International Airport: Deacon Karen Muggli.
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